How To Avoid Getting Sick

This is for someone who was astonished to hear that I have not been sick in a few years. That's right, you read correctly, YEARS. Read it once more if you need to. Now, this fact is true because of a number of measures I take yearround, not just during the cold and flu season. They may seem a little extreme to you but to me, I think I could go further still. If you don't like being sick, please continue reading. If you don't care either way, then I shal be staying as far away from you as possible. So without further ado, here are my tips and tricks for staying healthy.

When you leave the house, germs are everywhere! Being a self diagnosed mild to moderate germophobe, this fact TERRIFIES me. So what's a girl like me to do? Simple. First and foremost, I DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING if I can help it. Do you kmow what's on the things you never think twice about touching?! In a word, GERMS, i.e. the little microbes that make you sick. So, if you dont want to get sick don't touch anything. Now I know this cannot always be avoided; things sometimes require you to touch them and there's a nifty invention that can combat those parasitic creatures that lurk where you can't see: my best friend HAND SANITIZER and lots of it! Very best stuff in the world. A common misconception about hand sanitizer is that it keeps wroking after you apply it. WRONG! The germ killing power in it comes from alcohol and as we all know, alcohol evaporates. So, you'll have to keep reapplying now and again the more germs you encounter. I use it after I do anything, be it shopping, puping fuel at the station, perusing the library, etc. Another tactic to avoid direct contact with germs is to wear gloves. Gloves provide a perfect barrrier between you and the germs without much problem. So, find yourself a good pair that suits your style and are machine washable and you're good to go.

As we all know, the human body is the victim to a fatal flaw: the need to feed. So I know that when you're out and about, you'll probably end up eating something. But before you dive right in, think about what's on your hands and even what could be on the package (didn't think of that one did ya?). Yeah, you all either cringed or shuddered, right? But there is hope for you yet. My little friend hand sanitizer is here to save the day! Even if you use hand sanitizer, you should still use the package to keep your bare hands off the food; you don't want to ingest anything else, know what i mean? It takes some getting used to but it's worth it. 

Now, the best thing to do is wash your hands with soap and warm water for 20 seconds. Scientifically proven any less doesn't kill enough to be safe and you may as well have not even wasted your time. But where can we wash our hands with that soap and warm water for 20 seconds? Public bathrooms, EEEEEEEEEEWWWWWW!! Public bathrooms are worse than my nightmares and I have some pretty horrifying nightmares. I avoid them like the plague because, well, they are the plague. Since I'm sure that you all likely don't share the same qualms about using public bathrooms as me, here is my survival guide for navigating such a treacherous place. No.1, TOUCH NOTHING! Most places have sensor activated appliances, thank heavens, which much reduce the risk of coming into contact with something. However, not every place you'll gowill have such ammenities. What do you do? No.2 Use paper towels as you protection when opening doors, turning knobs and pulling levers and such. No paper towels, then use toilet paper. No TP either? Then you're gonna have to use the elbows and feet. And if it's far too awkward and difficult to do that, then, sorry mate, it back to the hands and more hand sanitizer. If you can No. 3 find something to keep the door open so that you can make your escape at a moment's notice. This one has saved my life more than once. No. 4 In the name of all things holy, NEVER use the hand dryers! Even if there are no paper towels. All they do is stir up the filth that may have otherwise been settled and get it on your hands, thus rendering all you attempts to remain sanitary utterly useless. The next best thing would be to use TP or hyperventilation. And if you've survived the evil of the public bathroom, then you're ready to eat your meal. No. 5 touch nothing on your way back to your table, like a surgeon does. If you have any incidental contact before you reach your destination, oh you'd better believe, that's another dose of hand sanitizer. I do all three whenever I can. Overkill? Years, remember?

All this now begs the question, "Where do all these germs come from?" Well, I'm sorry if I sound offensive but, people like you! people contract germs and thus spread them due to their unsanitary practices,, which is why I've mad this journal. Germs cannot survive outside the host very long, true, but when the supply is constantly replenished by more and more sick people everyday, that fact is prctically irrelevant. That said, avoid people as much as possible, mostly crowds because you never know who among them might be sick. For those of you who are forced to use public transportation, I do not envy you in the least. And if you find yourself in the vacinity of a sick person, turn and burn baby. Take the long way around or do what I do: Leave immediately. And if you simply can't avoid a sick person and their germ explosion, walk passed quickly, exhale throughout so as to not breathetheir disgusting microbes, and keep your eyes shut. That's right, keep your eyes shut. Most people don't know but the eyes are like screenless windows when it comes to letting in germs. So yeah, close your eyes or at the very least, squint as much as you can. During the cold and flu season, wear a mask like they have in hospitals. I do and they really work. So you'll look like a freak, but at least you'll be a healthy freak. And if it's any consolation, I wouldn't see you as a freak, mask wearers are all beautiful to me! And then there's the children, those darling little angels. Not to me, they're not. They are nothing more than uncouth vectors for contamination, whose underlying motive is to seek out people like me and destroy us. How can I say this, you ask. Easy: it's true. Want proof? Set foot in any school and I guarantee you'll find half the students to be ailing. So stay away from children. They don't understand the value of cleanliness and sanitatition like you and I.

And now, my padawans, my last nugget of wisdom. Keep your hous clean, don't allow those pesky germs into your place of zen and sanctity. To do this, first rethink entering you home with your shoes on. The vile feculence of the outside world is not something you should invite into your house. So shoes off at the door. The next thingis to change out of your outside clothes and into some more comfortable and, more importantly, clean house clothes. Wash your hands up to your elbows like a surgeon and your face, too, for good measure. Regularly clean up with bleach and spray disinfectants, especially after you've had ove rquestionable company.

Well, that just about does it. If you've made it this far, I congratulate you and wish only that you spread the good word and lead by example. I hope you've learned something from these ravings of a psychotic germophobe. Go forth my minions and aid in the eradication of unsanitary practice. Honestly, putting into practice even some of these tips will greatly reduceyou incidence of sickness. None of this means guaranteed health for the rest of your life. If you do get sick, I am very, very sorry. That is why I've written this one How to Contain Your Sickness to help keep yourself contained.